Posted by Ann Lee on Saturday, January 20, 2018 Under: Thoughts
My friends and I were spending the night at a coffee shop, catching up with each other and talking about a lot of stuff. While we were waiting for our orders, we started telling our personality test results. I took an online assessment and got INFJ-T, which I think, fits me the most. Two of them haven't tried it yet so they answered the test and one suddenly looked at me and said, "agreed, this is really us." I glanced at her phone to see what she meant by that and she pointed at one of the questions: Do you often feel inferior to others?
I've already forgotten the questions but upon seeing that, I remembered picking the same answer as her. One of our friends asked why and she said she felt like she wasn't good enough as everyone. No matter what she does, people are still better than her and she couldn't help but feel like her existence isn't even significant unlike others. Our friend added, "Isn't that envy?" and she said, it might be since those two were quite related. They looked at me, waiting for my input and I gave them a melancholic smile.
To start off, both of us are introverts. We have a hard time talking to people, making friends and even initiating a conversation. That could already give a negative impact to people around us and in return, we would develop negative thoughts about ourselves. I, too, don't feel I am good enough when it comes to things I am working with. If I did anything good, I'd felt positive for a few good minutes but would crumble easily because of my negative thoughts. If I failed, it was because I already expected it. Even if the people around me always tell it's just all in your head, I still find it hard to believe and trust myself.
I've been trying to build my confidence little by little but it seems like life has a way to tear it down every time. This is why even if everybody tells me my good attributes and sweet messages, those would just hover around my mind, my pessimistic thoughts blocking their way to my soul and heart. It's hard to believe those warm words when all I could hear is my own voice trying to push me deeper in the abyss.
I'm still struggling but with the help of the people around me, I'm trying to give myself a little credit. Maybe they are right. Maybe I just need to find a positive feature in myself. Maybe I just need to step out. To view things differently. It's hard but I'm giving it a try.
And to end this, I wanted to share my friend's words that stirred something inside me: Yes, people are not equal but it is all up to you to change that. You are exactly who you choose to be. Remember that.
In : Thoughts