Inexperienced

Posted by Ann Lee on Friday, August 4, 2017 Under: Thoughts

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Among my friends, I think I am the only who hasn't fallen in love yet and that's fine with me. I don't know if I just have a different definition of love since most people, especially teenagers, often interchange it with crush, infatuation or attraction—those transient feelings—or maybe I'm just focused on other things and love isn't on my priority list.

I had crushes back in high school and college but not enough to be developed into love. Now that I'm already in my twenties, I want to experience falling in love for real but when I think about it, it's terrifying. I'm an introverted person so it's hard for me to start a conversation and open up to anyone. In addition, I'm the type of person who's afraid to take a step forward so even if I like someone, I tend to give up early because I don't have the courage to convey my feelings.

Maybe that's the main reason—I'm not yet ready to fall in love because I'm afraid to get hurt. Loving someone means exposing your vulnerable self, the part of you that you keep on protecting from everyone, to a person who could either embrace it with all his warmth or destroy it into pieces. To love means to be brave and courage has never been my strong suit.

But, if ever, I want to fall in love to a person who could understand me and could make me understand a lot of things. Someone who's on the same wavelength with me. Someone who's comfortable with silence because I don't talk too much. Someone whom I could talk to about senseless things or deep conversations. Someone who could see and hear the universe and chaos inside my head. If I find a person like that, maybe, just maybe, I'll risk my heart and fall in love.


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In : Thoughts