***

“Why are you afraid to fall in love?” my friend asked and several reasons lingered in my head. For people like me, love is an uncharted place and something beyond my reach.

I am scared to fall for someone because love means a lot of uncertainties and I always play safe. I like staying in my comfort zone and my brain treats everything unfamiliar as potential danger. I do not like taking risks because the chances of me losing everything is high.

I am scared to fall for someone because I’ve seen people close to me who fell and got hurt in the process. With their experiences, I put up several defenses to prevent that from happening to me; to protect myself from people who could hurt me even if it means closing my heart off.

I am scared to fall for someone because love confuses your mind. You feel different emotions, those that you do not normally feel, and cloud your judgment. Sometimes, feelings even change your views and question your beliefs.

I am scared to fall for someone because I’ve lived my whole life depending on myself and falling means I have to rely to and trust him to catch me. Knowing that I have no control over the situation terrifies my soul, thinking there’s a huge probability that I’ll hit the ground alone and hurt.

I am scared to fall for someone because I’ve never been in love and I honestly don’t know what I should do when that time comes.

I am scared to fall yet I am already thinking of someone while saying these, and for me, that is the scariest part of falling . . . knowing that I already am.



***