***

Sungjae oppa is singing in front of me and when I heard the lyrics, my tears instantly fell.

"The title of this song are the words I want to say to you but I can't."

I thought "I love you" is the highest form of affection that a person can say but when he started to sing, I now know what he wants to say to me. Every words, every line in the song made me cry because I know that I can't do them anymore.

"Be by my side, stay next to me.
Don't let me, who holds your hand, go
If you go one step further,
I can go one step closer."

I don't want him to see me crying but because of the lyrics and how he's singing the song, these tears won't stop falling. But when he started walking towards me, I started sobbing.

"Just hug me.
Please hold me.
Don't say anything.
Run to me."

When those words came from his mouth, I stood up and hugged him. Crying on his shoulder, his hands on my back and his voice ringing in my ears made me feel so many emotions—sadness, pain, love and security. Being this close to him, I can hear his heartbeat and I know he could also feel mine.

If he only said those words earlier, I could've hugged him more. I could've held his hand more. I could've stayed by his side more. But now that this is our last time, all I could feel is regret because I don't have the chance to do those anymore.


Being with Sungjae was a wonderful adventure. I've learned many things and we also became closer. When I started this program, I thought I just need to act and finish it without getting attached to my partner. But as we film longer, something has changed. We grew closer, became dependent of each other, joking and laughing most of the times. I never thought I would feel this way.

After the shoot, we said our goodbye for the last time and my manager fetched me. I was quiet the whole trip and when I arrived at our dorm, my members were waiting for me and seeing them made me emotional again. When they saw me crying, they ran to me and hugged me.

"Is it hard to film your last episode?" Wendy 
unnie asked.

"You got too attached to him," Seulgi 
unnie 
added.

"I told you to be careful with your feelings. It's not easy to fall in love with someone who shares the same profession because of our fans," Irene 
unnie said and hearing those words made my heart ache.

"But unnie, did you really fall for him?" Yeri asked and their expressions scream curiosity.

I wiped my tears and calmed myself before answering them.


"I don't know. I'm just so sad because our virtual marriage has ended. We grew closer and ending it just like that..." My voice broke but I held off my tears. "He...he's very special to me but after that program, I don't think we can get close to each other anymore."

They comforted me for a while but I excused myself after some time. I felt sorry towards them but I really want to be alone for a moment. I entered my room and ended up on my bed. Tears fell from my eyes again because my memories with Sungjae 
oppa keep on replaying inside my head. Those 11 months felt so short and I wish we still have the time to be together.

I'm missing him already.

Just then, my phone started ringing and when I saw his name, I was so overwhelmed that I started crying again while staring at it. After a few seconds, I managed to answer it.

"Hello Suyeong-ah," he said and hearing him calling my name made me smile despite all the tears running through my face.


"Oppa..."

"Are you still crying?" he asked but I heard his shaky voice and his shallow breathing.

"Are you also crying?"


Silence was his answer and when we heard each other's sob, we ended up laughing. We must be crazy right now.

"I miss you," he said and that made my heart flutter. Truthfully, I was worried because I think we don't have the same feelings for each other after leaving the show. But when I heard those words, my worries disappeared. He's not the kind of guy who says romantic words and saying that to me means so much.

"Oppa..."

"Hm?"

"Will we treat each other differently from now on?"

I know that We Got Married is just an on-screen love story and almost all couples didn't talk to each other after leaving the show, especially the idols, because of their fans and they worry about dating scandals. Thinking about that made me sad and hurt.

"I'm scared that you won't talk to me anymore."

"Suyeong-ah, listen to me," he said in a serious tone. "I won't change. You can still talk to me. You can still tease me, make me laugh, hold me and I will do the same. I don't want to throw away those time and memories we shared so I promise to be the same Sungjae you were with for the past eleven months."

I don't know why but every words he said this day made me cry. I was touched by his promise and I think I realized why I was so sad to part with him even though it's just a variety show program.

"R-really?" I asked for confirmation and I heard him chuckle.


"Of course. After all, we still have so much to do in our bucket list. Oh, and I still want to see your crying face."

"Yah!"

"Kidding!"

Well, at least, he's trying to lighten up the mood and I think that's one of his charming points. His playful and positive attitude made our relationship enjoyable and well. I don't know why but after that program, I can't see myself with other guys beside him right now.

"You have a schedule later right? You should sleep, Suyeong." When he said that, I felt anxious because I don't want to end our conversation yet.

"But..."

"You need sleep because of your busy schedule. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Hearing tomorrow made me feel relieved. He's really going to fulfill his promise, isn't it?


"Okay. Goodnight, oppa. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

I was waiting for him to end the call but he didn't.

"Really..." he said while chuckling and I smiled too because deep inside, I know that we don't want to end this yet.

"Oppa, I can't sleep yet."

"Then, should I sing a lullaby?"

I suddenly remember the time when he sang a lullaby to put me to sleep. Just then, he started singing the same song and just like before, I ended up sleeping.

I felt reassured that when I wake up tomorrow, he will still be the same Sungjae. Tomorrow, he will fulfill his promise.

Tomorrow, will be the start of the new chapter of our lived and I'm glad that I'm still a part of his story. Our fans, who supported us as a couple, may not be able to know our story anymore but I'm sure we still have a long way to go.


After all, it's young love. And just like what our song tells,

"Even if it's a bit hard because we are still young,
There is still much time for us.
Holding hands, only looking at each other,
Let's go slowly, let's try to understand each other.
Love is supposed to be young,
Young love."

Sungjae 
oppa, let's go slowly and enjoy our young love. Okay?


***