Chapter 31

she who mourns without tears
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​“I want that dress, too,” I complained after seeing her wear something beautiful.

Zaria chuckled in amusement. “Alright, alright. I’ll give it to you.”

“Really?”

“You want it, right?”

“But…what will you wear now?”

“It’s okay,” she said while looking at me endearingly. “I will always yield to you.”

My eyes fluttered open, and the familiar black ceiling came into my view. I was back in my chamber.

I remained lying on my bed for a few more minutes, pondering about what had happened. This was the first time I had dreamed of something after setting foot in Vrivarya, and it felt strange because my retainers said we rarely had dreams.

My eyes wandered to my body. I was already dressed in a simple black nightgown, and there were no signs of wounds on my skin. For a moment, I wondered if everything was just part of a dream, but seeing Zaria’s gown neatly folded beside me jarred me back to reality.

She did not return with us. Zaria was truly dead.

I could vividly remember the forlorn yet resigned look on her face as her body slowly disintegrated. She was too young to meet true death. Zaria had a lot of aspirations, and she was only about to see the world…to experience pleasant things…

Rage started churning in my gut, but I managed to quell it down. I remembered how that rage almost cost me my retainers as I couldn’t control it that time.

Huminga ako nang malalim at tuluyan nang tumayo. I carefully picked her dress up and went out of my room. Moria and Irus came into my view as soon as I opened the door.

“Your Highness! You’re awake!” cried Moria.

“Where are Kei and Sigrid?”

Concern was visible on their faces as they averted their gaze. “They were summoned by the royal council, Your Highness,” Moria replied.

“When?”

“Two days ago,” sagot naman ni Irus.

It seemed like I was unconscious for two days and only woke up today. I wanted to see them, but I still had something to do before that.

My gaze drifted to Zaria’s room when the door creaked open and saw Olga staring at me with animosity.

“You’re being impertinent, Olga,” Moria snarled as Irus unsheathed his rapier.

“Stop, both of you,” I commanded.

The two had no choice but to stay put while I walked toward Zaria’s retainer. She had the right to be aggrieved after losing her master, but showing any sign of discourtesy toward a royal could cost her her life.

“Let us talk inside, Olga.”

She reluctantly obliged and followed me inside her master’s room.

Zaria’s familiar scent instantly hit my nose as soon as I stepped inside her chamber. Pile of papers were neatly arranged on the table, and they were probably all related to the royal parley. Although most nobles looked down on her, Zaria’s presence was crucial in the royal court as she had the necessary wisdom to lead royal affairs in the absence of the king and queen. Troian had acknowledged her skills, and her death would be a huge shoe to fill.

“Keep your weapon down, Olga,” I ordered.

My back was facing her, but I could feel her strong intimidation. Worse, it wasn’t even directed to me, but to herself.

Tumingin ako sa direksyon niya. She was holding her blade-deckled chain, blood already trickling down from both her hands.

“I no longer desire to live, Your Highness,” she grimly replied. “The reason for my existence is no longer here.”

Despite her unchanging expression, I could tell that Olga was truly devastated. She had been slated as the future attendant to the throne among the strongest trackers, assassins, and mages sans the king’s attendants, yet Olga would willingly kill herself because Zaria was already gone.

“This is a royal order, Olga,” I commanded. “Drop your weapon.”

She met my gaze, and if my intimidation wasn’t stronger, I would have suffered from hers.

“Pardon my insolence, but how can you order me to continue living when the one I swore loyalty to had been killed to protect you?”

I stared at her, quite amazed by her courage and brazenness. If my retainers heard her, she would have been dragged to the dungeons for contempt against a royal blood, but I didn’t feel insulted because it was the truth.

“You’re right. And because she protected me, I was able to give this to you,” I said before blood came out from my fingertips.

A pool of blood swirled between us, and even without explanation, she already knew whom it belonged to.

“My lady…” she murmured as she stared at the blood in front of her.

“Her blood is the only thing left from her,” I said. “The only reminder that Zaria Stryzyga lived as a worthy royal blood of Vrivarya.”

Olga dropped her weapon as she approached Zaria’s blood with a pained expression in her eyes. “My lady, I apologize for leaving your side. I…do not deserve to exist anymore. Please, take me with you.”

Anguish was something rarely felt by an undead. If she were a human, Olga’s eyes would probably be brimming with tears already. Even though they were dry as desert, her usual impassive demeanor had been replaced by a yearning expression.

Her gaze shifted back to me before bending her knee. “I implore you, Your Highness, allow me to follow my lady. I…do not want her to be alone.”

“No,” I coldly replied. “You still have something to do for her.”

A spine-shilling aura exuded from her. “If it’s annihilating the magi and those traitorous vampyrs from Remis, then I will gladly do it before I end my existence.”

“No,” I replied, earning a confused look from her.

That responsibility would be mine to bear.

I willed a portion of Zaria’s blood to enter the vial I prepared earlier and handed it to Olga. What I wanted from her was the continuity of Zaria’s legacy.

“Give this to Alexei Revali,” I ordered, and it seemed like she immediately understood what I was planning.

“But…”

“Worry not, Olga. Zaria’s blood will continue to live, and this time, protect her with your life.”

“What do you mean?”

Olga and I simultaneously turned to the direction of the familiar voice that just chimed into our conversation.

“I guess you didn’t have to give it to him,” I said as Alexei graced us with his murderous presence.

***

Dealing with Olga was easier than facing the silent wrath of Alexei.

We had been sitting in silence for a few minutes after I dismissed Olga for my private audience with him.

“I am concerned about Princess Zaria’s safety.” 

“Worry not, Alexei, my top priority is her safety.”

I could still remember our conversation the day before our voyage. It was not surprising for him to harbor hatred towards me. I was expecting him to lash out, but Alexei was concerningly quiet.

“Truthfully, I want to blame you, Your Highness, for her death,” he suddenly said, breaking the few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

If anyone else besides Olga and Alexei said that, I would have killed them on the spot. Perhaps it was because of the guilt that I allowed them to say whatever they wanted, or they just didn’t care about their reputation and lives any longer.

“You said you were going to protect her, but she protected you instead. I wanted to get mad at you, but Zaria…she told me not to.”

My eyebrows twitched at his remark. “She told you?”

“When I visited her before you sailed, I told her about my worries.” Alexei drooped his head as he balled his fists. “I told her she could die if she weren’t careful, but for some reason, it looked like she had already accepted the probability of death.”

“What do you…”

“Vyrka’s attendants are strong, so you need not to worry. But if I ever failed to return, please do not blame her. She might not show it, but Vyrka treasures me as much as you do. And if death was the only option to save her, you know that I will gladly give up my life for my sister. That’s what she said that time.”

I clenched my jaw as the image of her resigned smile replayed in my head. She truly was the kindest. And she was the best family I could ask for.

“I already know that it wasn’t your fault…but why? Why did you allow her to die?”

It would be much better if he’d just get angry at me for failing my promise than answering the very same question that I had been asking myself.

Why did I allow her to die? Why did I have to be powerless that time?

“You’re right,” I replied. “Zaria did not deserve to die, and it is my fault for failing to protect her. That is why I will make everyone involved in that incident pay a hefty price…including myself.”

He fell silent for a second, but wrath was still visible in his eyes. “If you’re planning to punish those lowly magi and damn phantoms, you need not to concern yourself. I will be more than enough to kill them.”

“No, Alexei Revali,” I replied. “What I want from you is your blood.”

Confusion crossed his face. “What do you mean?”

I remembered how bright Zaria’s smile was when she was talking about family. All she wanted was to be acknowledged and respected by her own kin and blood. Something that she was deprived of all her life.

“Zaria hated this world, but she still wanted to live on,” I murmured. “Through her blood and yours, I will honor her dying wish.”

Both Alexei and Olga understood my aspirations almost immediately, and I started wondering if Zaria had already discussed it with them before.

The answer to my question was instantly answered through Alexei’s forlorn expression. “Let us talk about this matter in a few nights, Your Highness. I will take my leave.”

I could only stare at his figure as he exited Zaria’s room. Silence engulfed me as soon as he disappeared from my sight, and my gaze wandered around.

It had been almost three days since she perished, but I could still feel her presence around me. It must be because of her blood that I had already absorbed.

My hand instinctively reached for my chest to check my heart. It wasn’t beating at all. It was an undeniable proof of my lineage, but for a moment, I wished I was still a human, so I could mourn properly.

I wanted to shed tears for Zaria. I wanted to feel the anguish of losing the most important person in my life.

Yet here I was, devoid of such human emotions.

The last shred of my humanity had perished with Zaria, and all that was left was the strong desire to avenge her wrongful death.

​“I will make them pay,” I said as I stared at the moon peeking from her balcony. “Blood for blood.”
That night, the palace was enveloped with my uncontrollable intimidation, sending a warning to everyone who would dare get in my way, sparing not even the king and the queen.

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