LIFE UPDATE

Hey, how are you?

It's been a while since I posted another blog. Anyway, the past few months had been a challenge. It felt like we were just all trying to survive and pretend we were still okay. That we were just existing and not living this year. But that was our reality.

A lot of times, I just drown in my own thoughts, allowing anxiety and negative feelings overwhelm me and spiral down into that dark abyss. In this uncertain time, it's hard to stay in the moment. You have to have an anchor or a safe place to remind you that you're still here. That you still have to go on despite the world being on pause.

And the anchor I found is rediscovering my passions and hobbies that I thought I lost, and understanding myself better. I started writing songs and painting again. I started playing instruments again. I started taking care of myself again.

In September, I bought a kalimba and learned to play it. I honestly like how enchanting and relaxing the sound is. Once everything is back to normal, I would want to play in a forest or field in the morning to match the ambiance of the music.

​I am also glad that I can paint again. Art has always been my way to escape the reality, may it be in the form of writing fiction or drawing and painting, but I was so unmotivated the first few months of the pandemic and never held a paintbrush until I rewatched Kimi no Nawa in September. And I'm thankful I did because it fueled my desire to hold a brush and paint again.
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​I started taking care of myself better, too. Something I have taken for granted for the past few years. The food I eat has significantly changed to more fruits and vegetables. Still, it's hard for me to fall and stay asleep as I have insomnia. Sometimes, I would just lay in bed for five hours, eyes closed, but my mind fully awake.

I also cut my hair short to get rid of the bleached ends. It's been a while since I had a healthy, black hair and I want to keep it that way for now.

​There are a lot of times when I felt like I haven't done anything significant this year and I felt guilty for that. But then I realized it's the little and mundane things that made me less anxious and made me feel alive during this time of uncertainty and hopelessness. And maybe that's what everyone needs to look for.

Because what makes us happy, makes us hopeful, too.
For a better tomorrow. For a better year. For a better you.
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