Tiningnan ko siya nang masama nang matapos ang tawag pero ang bwisit, nakuha pang ngumiti nang nakakaloko. "Why didn't you tell me that you're her son?" "Hindi ka naman nagtanong," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. "Kahit na!" Bwisit. Ang lakas mang-asar ng pagmumukha niya. I had no idea he's related to him. Kaya pala ang bilis makahanap nina Mom and Dad ng papalit sa kanya that time ay dahil anak niya ang kinuha. Kaya rin pala kampante sila sa kanya kahit na ka-edad ko lang siya. "Mag-aayos ka na ba ng mga damit n'yo?" sabay tingin niya sa mga bubwit. "Ako na lang ang mag-i-impake para kina Cza—" "No!" I said, cutting him off. "Ako na." Mamaya kung anu-ano ang ilagay niyang mga damit sa bag nina Czanelle at Clark. That one time was a disaster. He doesn't know how to pair clothes and they might look like some kind of bizarre creatures with that terrible fashion sense of his. After naming mag-lunch ay umakyat ako sa kwarto para magligpit. Actually, hindi pa rin nagsi-sink in sa akin ang katotohanang anak siya ni Nanay Fe at makikita ko na ulit si Nanay Fe bukas. Kalahating taon na rin ang nakakalipas nang umuwi siya sa kanila at mapunta naman dito si Jazer. According to him, we're going to stay there for a week. Naghanap naman ako ng luggage kung saan magkakasya ang mga gamit ko. I packed my clothes, vanity kit, toiletries and other stuff. Pumunta naman ako sa room nina Czanelle at Clark para ayusin din ang dadalhin nila. I was organizing their clothes when I heard a knock. Paglingon ko, pumasok si Jazer. “Isama mo na rin ‘to,” sabay abot niya sa akin ng baby bottles at cereals. Sinama ko na rin ang favorite mini-blanket ni Clark dahil paniguradong magta-tantrums ‘yon ‘pag na-realize niyang wala. Tinulungan niya ako sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit ng dalawa at dahil sobrang tahimik ay naramdaman ko kaagad ang awkwardness sa pagitan namin. I suddenly remembered the night when Mom completely lost her memories. He supported me and didn’t leave my side until I calmed down. That was also the night I realized he had already became a huge part of my life . . . and it was terrifying. “Anong ginagawa mo tuwing Pasko?” bigla niyang tanong kaya napatingin ako sa kanya habang tinitiklop niya ang mga nilabas kong damit. “Movie marathon,” sagot ko naman. “Buti nakakaya mong mag-isa ka lang.” “Sanay naman ako.” Pagkasabi ko no’n ay napatingin siya sa akin. “I’ve been alone on holidays for fifteen years so Christmas and New Year aren’t really that special for me.” Even on my birthday, I wanted to add. Naaalala ko lang ang birthday ko kapag nakikita kong may handa na para sa akin sina Nanay Fe, Nanay Meling at Kuya Larry. Holidays don’t matter to me anymore. Parang normal days lang sila para sa akin. Habang nag-ce-celebrate ang ibang mga pamilya sa subdivision, ako, nasa kwarto ko at nakaharap lang lagi sa phone o laptop para manood o magbasa. “Pero ngayon, hindi ka na mag-isa,” he said and those words lingered in my mind for a while. Weird. Now that I think about it, lagi nang may nakapaligid sa akin sa university at sa bahay. Even though she’s annoying most of the times and I hated her before, Queenie’s a great company. Czanelle and Clark exhaust me with their zealous stamina but being their sister made me realize a lot of things about family. And this guy right here . . . he casually walked into my life and pulled me outside to see the things and feel the emotions I was scared to face. He destroyed my walls and became my armor. And maybe, when I can already protect myself with my own sword, I have to take that armor off so it can protect someone else. “Uuwi rin ba si Katrina?” tanong ko pero hindi ko magawang tumingin sa kanya. “Siguro. Bakit?” “Wala lang.” Another minute of awkward silence. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. I feel guilty because of Katrina’s situation but sometimes, I want to be selfish and wish that he’d just stay by my side. Huh. Maybe I’m really the witch in their story. *** “Okay na ba lahat?” “Yes, Kuya!” Czanelle beamed as Clark shrieked excitedly. “Tara na.” Nag-book ako ng cab papuntang bus terminal at lumabas naman agad kami nang nasa tapat na siya ng bahay. Mag-fa-five pa lang ng umaga kaya wala akong energy. I was still sleepy because I was thinking about a lot of things last night and I didn’t notice the time. Pagkasakay namin ay nakatulog agad ako hanggang sa nagising na lang ako dahil sa pagtapik ni Czanelle sa mukha. Nandito na pala kami sa bus terminal. Pinag-stay naman kami ni Jazer sa gilid habang bumibili siya ng ticket. Dahil two-seater lang per side ang bus ay nag-decide kami na ikalong na lang ang dalawa kaysa maghiwalay pa. Medyo puno na kasi at malayo sa isa’t isa ang free na tig-dalawang upuan. Medyo skeptical pa ako sa pag-iwan ng gamit namin doon sa luggage compartment ng bus pero wala rin naman akong magagawa dahil hindi kasya sa upuan namin. Pumwesto ako sa window side at si Clark ang kalong ko habang si Czanelle naman ang hawak ni Jazer. Weird pa ng amoy kaya lalo akong na-stress. “May baon akong plastic,” sabi naman niya. “What?” “Baka magsuka ka.” Napataas naman ang kilay ko. “No way.” He smirked. “Okay. Sabi mo ‘yan.” Inirapan ko na lang siya at nakinig ng music habang naghihintay umandar ang bus. According to him, the trip would be four to five hours depending on the traffic. Tulog lang kami ni Clark for the first few hours pero nagising ako nang naramdaman ko ang bumps sa daan. Pagtingin ko, medyo lumiliit na ang kalsada at may parts din na lupa lang talaga ang daanan. Medyo nahihilo na rin at ako at nararamdaman ko ang pag-ikot ng tiyan ko. The smell was making it worse. My stomach churned and I knew it would be an embarrassing moment. “Give me that plastic,” I muttered while nudged him impatiently. Binigay naman niya agad ‘yon na para bang inaasahan na niya ang mangyayari. I barfed and damn, the feeling and sight were both unpleasant. “Yuck. Gross,” I commented after that disgusting act. “Normal naman ‘yan sa mga hindi sanay bumyahe nang malayo,” sabi naman niya kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I wanted to retaliate but I felt sluggish. Pakiramdam ko, masusuka ulit ako kapag nagsalita o gumalaw pa ako kaya niyakap ko na lang nang mahigpit si Clark para maipit ang tiyan ko. I closed my eyes and leaned against the headrest but the uneven road was making me dizzier. Nagulat naman ako nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang ulo ko at sinandal sa balikat niya. “Better?” tanong niya pero hindi ko siya sinagot. “Is ate okay?” Czanelle chimed in. I could hear the worry in her voice. “No,” sagot naman niya. “Nahihilo siya.” “Why?” “Malayo kasi pupuntahan natin.” Hindi naman na nagtanong ulit si Czanelle pero naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa mukha ko. My eyes were still closed but I could imagine her concerned face. “Don’t be sick like Mommy, Ate,” she said and that word brought a lump to my throat. “I won’t,” I whispered as I held her tiny hand. *** Nakarating kami sa stopover at doon na rin kami kumain ng breakfast. Kaunti lang ang kinain ko dahil baka ilabas ko rin kapag bumalik sa bus. After twenty or thirty minutes ay bumyahe na ulit kami hanggang sa wakas ay nakarating kami sa terminal. We arrived at a busy street market and everyone was talking a different language. We were finally in Pangasinan. Pagkakuha namin ng mga bagahe namin ay agad kaming sumakay ng tricycle. Sa loob kami nina Czanelle at Clark habang sa likod naman ni Jazer na nakikipag-usap sa driver. “Ate, ate, look!” sigaw ni Czanelle habang nakaturo sa labas. “Is that a horse?” “Oh, wow. Yes, it’s a horse.” “Whoa! A horsey! Clark, look! It’s a horsey!” I was still staring at the horse beside us and the man in the carriage. It was carrying a lot of stuff like brooms and mirrors. Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng gano’n. After a few minutes, huminto ang tricycle at akala ko ay nakarating na kami sa bahay nila pero nagulat ako nang may kumaway kay Jazer. “JJ! Aratoy ka gayam men!” (JJ! Nandito ka na pala!) yelled the guy who was sitting in front of a weird-looking thing. “Dante! Agyamanak!” (Dante! Salamat!) sagot naman ni Jazer sabay tapik do’n sa malaking bagay na ‘yon. Tumingin siya sa amin at saka tumango. Sinundan na lang namin siya pero napahinto ako nang ibaba niya si Clark at ilagay ang mga gamit na dala niya kung nasaan ang lalaking kausap niya. “Tara na, hinihintay na tayo ni Nanay,” sabi niya at saka siya sumakay ro’n. “Wait, kailangang sumakay . . . d’yan?” sabay turo ko kung nasaan sila. Nginitian naman niya ako. “Oo. Tara,” he said while tapping the seat next to him. “Para masubukan n’yong sumakay sa kuliglig.” *** The ride wasn’t that bad but that damn engine was too loud. Medyo nakakatakot din dahil open na open at kapag malubak ang daan ay pakiramdam ko, malalaglag ako. The kids were excited the whole ride because they got to see a variety of animals. Actually, it was my first time to see goats, pigs, cows and carabaos. The group of goats we saw followed our vehicle while bleeting enthusiastically and I thought they’d jump to get onto it. I didn’t know goats could be scary. Huminto naman ang kuliglig sa tapat ng isang bahay kaya bumaba agad kami. “Sige, ikaw na ang bahala sa asawa at mga anak mo!” (Sika ti bahala ken ni lakay mo ken dagita anak mo!) sabi ng lalaking naghatid sa amin habang nakangiti nang nakakaloko kay Jazer. Lumipat naman ang tingin niya sa akin kaya kumaway na lang din ako sa kanya kahit na hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi niya kay Jazer. “Baliw! Umuwi ka na nga!” (Bagtit! Agawid kan!) sagot naman ni Jazer. Napatingin naman ako sa bahay at agad kong nakita ang isang pamilyar na mukha. Her gentle eyes and warm smile greeted me and I immediately ran to her. “Nanay Fe!” I called as I hugged her tightly. “Chloe,” tawag niya rin habang tumatawa. “Na-miss kitang bata ka.” Paghiwalay ko kay Nanay Fe ay nakita ko ang iba pang nakaabang sa harapan ng bahay nila—three girls and a boy. Lumapit naman si Jazer sa kanila habang buhat si Clark at hawak ang kamay ni Czanelle. Naalala ko bigla ang sinabi niya dati. Na naiintindihan niya ang sitwasyon ko. I guess he wasn’t lying. Just like me, he had to take care of his siblings while his mother was working far away from them. “Sorry,” I muttered and Nanay Fe heaved a sigh. “Alam ko ang iniisip mo,” she said while looking at them. I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Pakiramdam ko, ang dami kong ninakaw na oras na dapat ay para sa kanila. They grew up while their mother was with me. Maybe they hate me for that. “Para na ring kitang anak, Chloe, kaya huwag kang mag-isip nang kung ano.” Ngumiti sa akin si Nanay Fe habang pinipigilan kong umiyak. “Sa katunayan, gusto ka rin nilang makilala, kaya halika at ipapakilala kita sa mga anak ko.” I, too, considered her as my mother. Siya ang nag-alaga at nagpalaki sa akin. Siya ang kasama ko sa masasaya at malulungkot kong mga araw. Siya ang nagturo sa akin tungkol sa maraming bagay. She was there instead of my own mother. I missed her. I miss my Mom, too. I was fortunate to have them but I guess both of them weren’t meant to stay by my side.
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chaptersPrologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47 Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Epilogue Bonus Chapter |