Christmas break had already started, and malls were getting crowded day by day.
December 19 na kaya gusto ko sanang bumili na ng Christmas gifts for my family and friends dahil for sure ay mas dadami pa ang tao sa mga susunod pang araw. Kaya naman pumunta kami ni Ven sa mall para mag-shopping. She’d buy gifts for Ziela and her other friends I suppose, at ako naman ay para ro’n sa tatlo.
Naghiwalay muna kami dahil iba-iba rin naman ang preferences ng pagbibigyan namin.
I bought cosmetic products for Alice and accessories for Yna. Meanwhile, high heels naman ang binili ko kay Jess since siya ang pinakamaliit sa aming tatlo. She’d probably tell me I was teasing her, but hey, these shoes were pretty. Binilhan ko rin ng matching watches sina Mom and Dad, at long boots kay Ven.
I wanted to buy something for Patrick, too, but I wasn’t sure what he liked. Parang masyado namang halata kung tatanungin ko siya ngayon.
Tinawagan ko si Ven at tinanong kung nasaan siya banda. I went to the shop she told me, and saw her browsing some clothes for guys.
“You’re going to give gifts for some guys?” tanong ko at mukhang nagulat siya dahil sa likuran niya ako galing.
“Y-yeah! May friend akong guy and gusto ko siyang regaluhan.”
I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously. Gusto ko sanang magtanong tungkol sa guy na reregaluhan niya dahil parang may kakaiba pero bago pa ako makapagsalita ay lumipat na siya ng puwesto. Talk about running away.
Nag-browse na lang din ako ng shirts pero hindi ko naman alam ang size niya. Then, naisip ko na bakit hindi na lang cute pillow since mahilig naman siyang matulog?
Nagpunta ako sa iba pang stores at naghanap ng memory foam pillow. After looking around for a few minutes, may nakita akong ganoon. It was a portable pillow that he could bring to school and use it whenever he wanted to sleep outside.
Bumalik ako sa shop kung nasaan si Ven at lumapit siya sa akin.
“‘Yan ba ang gift mo kay kuya Darryl? What’s that?”
Napakunot naman ang noo ko sa narinig. “No, this is for Patrick.”
“Ah, kay kuya Pat pala. So, anong gift mo kay kuya Darryl?”
“W-why would I give him one?”
Ven gasped. “You won’t give him anything? I thought you like him?”
This time, ako naman ang napanganga. I was so taken aback by her question that I was speechless for a few seconds.
“You know, ate, you should know by now that you still can’t lie.”
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman pagkatapos kong marinig ang mga sinabi ng kapatid ko. First of all, she knew?! How? Was I that obvious?! And fine, I couldn’t lie at all.
Mukhang nagwagi na naman ang emotions ko kaya nagsimula na naman akong maghanap-hanap. Now that I think about it, he had given me a strawberry bag and necklace. Ah. ‘Yung birthday gift niya rin palang pink guitar na hindi ko pa nagagamit dahil sa nangyari that day. Meanwhile, parang wala pa akong naibibigay sa kanyang kahit ano.
Wala rin akong idea sa likes and tastes niya. Ang alam ko lang ay mahilig siya sa music pero hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang puwedeng regalo na associated doon.
Hanggang sa makauwi kami ay wala akong nabili. Baka nga hindi talaga meant to be na bigyan ko siya ng regalo kaya ganoon.
“Idaan mo na lang sa effort, ate,” remarked Ven before she entered her room with a grin on his face.
“Hah. No thanks.”
It was already 2 a.m. in the morning and I just finished my gift. Yes, kinain ko rin ang sinabi ko kanina.
I decided to make a music-themed scrapbook. Nagdikit din ako ro’n ng photos niya na meron ako at sinulat ko ang songs na may same meaning ng mga gusto kong sabihin. It didn’t come out as what I expected it to be, but I think it was still okay.
After much contemplation earlier, I decided to make it so I could also end it already. Maybe telling him how I feel through this would make it easier for me to move on . . . just like what he did with his feelings for Tricia.
Maybe I needed a closure for my feelings, too. And perhaps this way, all my lingering emotions for him would gradually dissipate . . . even if it meant getting hurt again.